the untold chapter
by Joshiro.ukitake
Summary: just a little imagination on my part, between wonderwiese almost killing captain ukitake and when you see him fully recovered, this is that story, a lot of memory is lost and gained
1. Chapter 1

this is my thoughts on the hidden chapter (where he magically recovers after being impaled by wonderweiss) its a different take on it, i haven't seen anything like this in this situation but i guess im new to the block so who knows, ANYWAY, this is my second fan fiction and i hope you guys like it

im not gonna hound you guys for reviews, but it would be nice to see what you guys think

(i failed to do this last time) i do not own any of these characters, kubo tite does regrettably, im just borrowing them (i asked... or forced permission)

* * *

It was an odd moment, it happened in a second, I almost didn't feel it at all. I remember looking down and seeing a bloody hand, it was oddly placed, directly through my chest. I didn't have time to feel shocked, I was standing in midair facing starrk, the first espada, it seemed like seconds, then i was falling into the inevitable blackness of unconsciousness. i knew i was going to fall out of the air but i couldn't stop that from happening, my mind was shattered, sogyo's hilt was in my hand but i could feel them slipping, i seemed to lose my grip. wonderwiese removed his hand, he made a weird sound and looked at my blood on his hand, he sounded happy, but i guess i could be confused because by then i was fading out, i was falling too, but i only just registered that as i landed hard on the ground, though the landing didn't seem to hurt too much for some reason. i coughed blood, this was nothing unusual, but now i felt the gaping hole in my chest and the intense pain flaring out all through my body, i let out a pained groan, amazingly i still had sogyo in my hands. the world was becoming darker and i couldn't make sense of much, but i could tell i was bleeding, but my body felt crushed, broken, and that was about where i blacked out, i don't remember anything after that

* * *

i struggled to open my eyes, sleep trying to drag me back, it took a minute to focus, my eyes not really playing nice, but eventually i did, i saw a plain ceiling, i moved my head and the room spun, i quickly learnt to stay still, the spinning was making me queasy. i couldn't recognize where i was, though the place seemed somewhat familiar to me, i tried to remember, causing me to realize, it hurt if i thought too much. while i was thinking though, i found that, there wasn't all that much i could remember, a few things here and their but i couldn't tell what those things were.

i guess my senses were down because someone had taken hold of my hand, i pulled my hand back in a delayed reaction, i looked at the culprit, or tried but the room spun before i could get a good look, i groaned softly, feeling ill, eventually it stopped again and i could look at the person who grabbed my hand, sound made its way to me as well, though i had a feeling the person had been talking for longer then i had realized.

a man had grabbed my hand, he looked visibly tired, and you could tell he hadn't looked after himself for a while, he was unshaven and it looked uncontrolled, a lock of brown hair hung over his face, and the rest of his hair was messy and frizzy, that wasn't the strangest thing about this man though, he was wearing a black Shihakushō, the uniform of the dead, not only that, a flowered cape over it, the guy also had quite a curious smell about him, sake mixed with body odour, though together the smell seemed stale and old, like he hadn't seen anything fresher in a while, despite everything about this man that was screaming out stay away, the guy seemed familiar, i couldn't place why, he also carried a look of sorrow, yet there was hope in his eyes, he spoke again.

'jushiro... can you hear me?" the man sounded familiar as well, he waved his hand as if to get my attention, i heard him clearly but he seemed to be speaking gibberish, it sounded like a name but i didn't recognize it, jushiro, the word seemed to just sit in my mind knowingly without hinting at anything. i opened my mouth to say something but i seemed to have trouble actually saying something, i couldnt find my voice, the man turned to the woman beside him, disturbingly, she was also dessed in a black Shihakushō, only she had a badge on her arm, a clip board in her hands and short silver hair with strands hanging down.

'lt kotetsu... is he ok?' the man would ask her, again, it seemed the man was speaking gibberish, but i stayed quiet, it seemed rude to interrupt the two.

she just looked at him unsure 'im not sure captain, give me a minute OK' then she stepped closer and kneeled down closer to me, she spoke slowly and clearly, purposely and her eyes showed worry but inspected me purposely 'captain ukitake, can you speak?' something in her voice helped me find mine.

i replied 'yeah' but my voice sounded harsh, like i hadn't spoken in quite a while, both the man and women seemed pleased when they heard me speak, both smiling and looking greatly relieved, the woman stood up and looking much happier she starting to inspect my signs, i didn't know what they were so happy about, and i was confused as to what the woman was doing, its not that i didn't trust her but i was unsure.

the man was watching me intently, he must have noticed my unease 'jushiro... are you ok'

'yeah, im ok' i replied, i gave him a smile, granted, not a very confident smile, the man and women still seemed to mystify me, i didn't know who they were, the man smiled back, though the smile looked forced yet natural, his eyes still showed concern for me and he sat beside me

'juu, you know you cant lie to me, whats wrong old friend' said the man, it comforted me, i had no idea why, the woman finished checking my signs, i felt glad. she smiled, writing notes in here clip board.

'your going to be just fine captain ukitake, your perfect' she said this with confidence, the man seemed happy to hear this as well, he looked up to the woman.

'thank you lt kotetsu' he seemed grateful

'my pleasure captain kyouraku' she replied with a smile

'thank you' i said to the woman quietly, i didn't know her name so i just said a simple thank you, i spoke quietly'

the man went back to watching me, he looked bothered 'juu-chan'

i looked back at him unsure, i am certain he was talking to me, the man grabbed my hand again 'are you really alright juu' he asked me with concern

i don't know how to reply, but the man grabbing my hand made me feel uncomfortable, yet at the same time it was comforting, i pulled away, i felt guilty for not knowing the man, he seemed to know me very well, i looked away from him, i had a horrible feeling i was letting him down, the woman was watching, she was thinking, a thoughtful look on her face, then she must have had an idea because she tapped the man on the shoulder and she took his place.

'captain, can you answer a few questions' she spoke in that slow way again, i looked at her, unsure, i hoped the questions weren't hard because my head was still hurting from last time i tried thinking. 'captain, do you know where we are?' she motioned the room behind her.

i looked around but i couldnt name the place, in fact, it made me feel more lost, i looked at her again and said quietly 'no'

she seemed surprised by this 'its the fourth division...' the woman looked thoughtful, i could tell that she was getting less happy with each reaction 'OK, do you know why your here?' she looked at me expectantly.

another thing i couldn't remember, my head was hurting but surely that was no cause for memory loss, was it? 'no' i replied quietly, unsure as ever.

the woman now seemed rather off put, the man silent behind her, both shared a look, and the woman asked me somewhat hesitantly 'do you know your name?'

it was the same result as the previous questions, i realized i didn't know who i was, what i looked like, my name, i knew nothing, i felt shocked, upset, i felt empty, i looked at the woman who expession had changed to a sad look, im guessing she guessed my answer, so had the man 'no... who am i?'

the women bit her lip, obvioulsy holding back emotions 'you are captain jushiro ukitake, of the thirteenth division, you were impaled and very nearly died, you fell from at least the top of a skyscraper, and you survived... without your memories...' she stood then and looked at the man, soundlessly apologising. the man looked to the ground and clenched his fists, then picked up a wide brimed straw hat that is sitting beside him, he puts it on his head and looks at me lost.

'so thats why you wont answer me juu chan' he smiled, the smile not reaching his eyes 'you could have said so sooner old friend'


	2. Chapter 2

ok, so the next chapter is out, some have been waiting, others havent but either way, i hope your ready for it, and sorry for the wait

(im not sure if im supposed to do this every ch but...) i do not own any characters in this story, only the story :|

* * *

listening to the woman tell me what happened to me, i could only ask how i had survived, it seemed impossible i could survive falling off a building, let alone being impaled, and what was i impaled with, i didn't remember anything like this, I simply looked at her in disbelief.

The man had stayed sitting beside me despite being a stranger to me, he sat watching over me and he seconded the woman so it must have been true, this crazy story, as unlikely as it sounded, was true, though out of both the man and woman, the woman was more believable, the man looked like a drunk.

'ok, so this crazy story is true... how long have i been... sleeping' as uncomfortable as i was feeling in this room of strangers, i felt i owed the two something, they knew who i was, i had nothing on them, almost stalkish really but i put it aside to be polite.

the woman looked thoughtful 'about three weeks.. more or less' the woman was still greatly upset by the fact i had no memories but i could tell she was trying not to dwell on it. the man nodded.

'its been a long time indeed' he added 'for a while we were worried you weren't going to wake up...but of course, you never disappoint' the man smiled.

'i guess its about time i woke up then...' i took stock of the situation, i had been sleeping for weeks, that was probably why my head was hurting, despite finding out what happened to me, i only felt empty and scarred, it seemed entirely impossible i was supposed to be a captain of a division, a division of what? and why were the two people sitting with me dressed in death, that's the most confusing thing. the woman was apparently a healer. nothing made sense, i was starting to think that i had woken on the wrong planet. then another woman came in, she looked older then the other woman, instead of silver hair, she had long black hair, it was plaited down her front, she wore the sme uniform, only she had a long white coat over hers, a coloured obi around her waist.

'isane, captain kyouraku, captain ukitake' she greeted everyone with a bow of her head.

the silver haired woman bowed back 'captain unohana' the man bowed his head to her too.

with a smile 'unohana sempai' the man replied to her.

i felt that i should respect her, even though i didn't recognize her, i bowed my head to her. The new woman took a seat beside the silver haired woman and looked at her expectantly, the silver haired woman handed her tthe clipboard in her hands.

'thank you isane' the new woman replied and inspected the paperwork on the clipboard. It was quiet and I watched as surprise crossed the new woman's face, she looked at me, I think I saw sadness in her eyes 'no memory...'

'he woke up like this, is there anything we can do?' the silver woman asked. The drunk looked at the new woman expectantly, hopeful.

The new woman looked at me, I was feeling uncomfortable in her gaze and looked away, a slight blush showing on my cheeks, finally the new woman answered.

'no... I can only hope that he will remember in time... ' the woman looked thoughtful, but was obviously unhappy with this news 'captain ukitake should be free to leave in a few days... But like this...He will need to be watched and helped...' then the woman turned to the drunk 'captain kyouraku, I will see to it that you will look after him, and keep him safe' as sweet as this woman sounded, I could tell that there was a threat in her words, which only made me more uncomfortable.

The drunk smiled but i could tell he felt the threat too 'yes unohana sempai' he replied.

Then the woman turned to me 'so I am presuming that you don't remember me captain' Unlike a second ago, she spoke to me kindly, no hint of threat, this woman seemed frightening to me.

I tried to remember but I couldn't 'no, I'm sorry' I replied quietly.

'its quite alright captain ukitake, im captain unohana' then the woman turned to the silver woman 'have you shared your names, I'm sure captain ukitake would appreciate knowing them'

The silver woman blushed bright red 'no, no I haven't, forgive me, I am lt kotetsu' then she bowed low. The man chuckled.

'yes indeed, forgive me old friend, we have met but it seems I should introduce myself again, I'm captain kyouraku' the drunk smiled, tilting his hat too me.

I felt rather uncomfortable, my cheeks burning with a blush, I averted my gaze until I had some sort of control, then I replied to the three.

'uhh, it's nice to meet you all... Again' quiet as I was speaking, they could all hear me and the three shared smiles.

Captain kyouraku chuckled 'your so cute when your shy juu-chan'

This only made my obvious blush worse, I felt like I wanted to hide, I didn't look at the three. Captain unohana gave a quiet laugh, lt kotetsu giggled, but it cleared up the air and it wasn't so awkward then, they seemed like nice people, though they still felt like strangers. I'd have a lot to get used to.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok, here we go, chapter 3, I hope it's as good as the last, but you know, things don't always work like that, I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far because I am liking where this story is going, but you guys will see when it comes, if you haven't decided my story is taking too long.

Anyway, I do not own any of these characters, kubo tite does, the creator of bleach, I do own the story though, that's an upside.

* * *

Since waking up, it had been two days, captain kyouraku still had not left my side and he seemed very protective of me, always making sure I was alright, though it was in a friendly way, nothing more then that, his dedication surprised me. I had to admit, being stuck in bed was turning out to be incredibly boring, I tried not to show it though because I had a good reason to be there, I felt I should be grateful, but unfortunately, being grateful was still boring.

Captain kyouraku had an insane knack to know how I was feeling even if I was doing my best to hide it, so he made sure I wasn't bored, he filled me in on things I used to know, for instance, fourth division was the healing and supply division, he said I tended to not like it here because I usually spent so much time here already, he didn't mention why, or maybe he did, but it was lost in the other more interesting things he told me.

I had to laugh at him when he told me I was hundreds of years old, as was he, he also said we were spirits, people who had moved on from a human life, this story I decided I wouldn't put much faith in, we were after all alive and well, so we couldn't be dead, anyway, he named the place we lived in soul society, he also claimed that I was able to use powers, or kido as he stated it, and something called shunpoe where I could leap huge distances in mere seconds. I figured the sake he had drank had gone to his head, but it was an amusing story nonetheless.

Captain kyouraku had told me to call him shunsui instead, he said there was no need for such formality, and he insisted on calling me the nickname juu-chan, everyone else insisted on calling me captain, or captain ukitake, I had still remembered very little about myself but I had discovered my hair was white, I found it quite curious myself, it was an odd colour, and despite the lock of hair hanging over my face, I had failed to notice it until a day or so, one could say I was blonde, or as shunsui put it, so used to it I didn't notice it anymore.

While shunsui kept me from going crazy, time ticked away and eventually we got to the day that I was allowed to go home, wherever that was, I was given my uniform and blade, which I didn't know I owned at all, I thought it rather different, though what disturbed me the most was that the blade seemed to be alive, moreso, I got the feeling it missed me, I also felt that I had missed it too, I didn't really understand but I figured I would in time, maybe, things were so complicated. I seemed to remember how to wear my uniform luckily, but I was disturbed to find it was the same death outfit, though I also wore a white coat similar to captain unhohana, only mine had my division number on its back, while she had her division on her back.

Strangely enough, once I was in uniform i felt comfortable, even moreso when my blade was at my side, for the first time since waking up I felt together, complete as you say. From the reactions of those around me, I gathered that other people were relieved that I looked as i should, shunsui in particular lightened up. That was about the time when I realized shunsui didn't have one of those white coats, or haori's as they were named.

'shunsui... Your a captain right... Im guessing that these haoris represent being a captain... Why don't you have one...' I looked at him curiously.

Shunsui chuckled 'because i haven't replaced it yet, I lost it in the fight, I'm not looking forward to Yama-jiis roasting'

'oh.. It doesn't sound favourable does it...' shunsui just gave me a grin.

Though shunsui had cleaned himself up since I first woke up, he still looked like a drunk, I'd noticed that he also had a very laid back personality, he didn't take much seriously, especially anything work related it seemed. His lt had come and pestered him about finishing his paperwork, later forcing him to do it while she stood over his shoulder watching him, I struggled not to laugh as she did it while he visiting me.

Since shunsui was the one that was going to babysit me while I remembered who I was, I felt that I was going to be safe... Ish in his hands. I trusted him, yet for some reason I still felt I should probably watch shunsui, I think it was his attitude, he seemed like a trouble maker. I could tell it was going though an interesting time until I got my memory back.


	4. Chapter 4

ok, chapter four, im finally getting somewhere exciting, lets see what happens, i hope you guys like it, and don't forget to tell me if you guys see anything i should fix up

i don't own any of these characters but i do own the story (this is getting annoying)

* * *

Walking out of fourth division felt like walking out of jail, I was well and truly sick and tired of bed rest, I'd only been awake for four days but those four days ended up being four days of varying stages of hell, it was incredibly boring and since I was not allowed to do much, i would have gone crazy if it weren't for shunsui, now I understood what shunsui had said earlier.

* * *

a conversation from days before:

'your being very patient juu-chan'

I gave a confused look 'patient? Why wouldn't I be patient?'

He laughed 'usually you would argue that you are fine just to get out of here, I've helped you break out once too, you have an amazing set of puppy eyes on you'

I raised an eyebrow at him 'I seriously doubt that this place would get that bad, you make it sound like a jail'

'you frequently call it a jail while you are here' he said with a cheeky smile.

'you make it sound like im here a lot' i looked at him questioningly.

in answer to my unspoken question he answered 'you get sick easily'

'oh' i didn't remember that, maybe i was just one of those people who got sick easily, but it made me think.

* * *

shunsui brought me back to reality by waving his hand in front of me 'juuuuu, you there? i thought you wanted out a few minutes ago' he motioned to the building we had just left behind, i hadn't realized i had stopped walking when i got lost in thought.

i blinked and shook my head 'of course, lead the way' i smiled.

'i was trying' he said with a laugh 'you spaced out' he replied.

'oh, sorry about that' a blush faint on my cheek, despite having become friends with shunsui, i was still a little shy, his outgoing personality was very different to me.

he smiled 'it's fine'

i looked around, i was already lost and i hadn't left the fourth division yet 'so... where are we going...' i looked at shunsui, clueless.

'this way' he motioned a direction and started walking, though everywhere looked the same to me.

'ok' i followed him and walked by his side.

he looked at me and smiled 'so looking forward to going home?'

honestly i didn't know, i guess i was sort of excited but i was nervous too, would i even remember my home 'you could say that i guess..'

shunsui stopped and looked at me 'are you afraid juu-chan'

'no, of course not' i replied stubbornly, i looked away, a slight blush crossing my cheeks.

shunsui smiled 'alright' then he kept walking 'you coming juu'

'yeah' i walked beside him again, we were walking through a well lit path, it was about midday and the day wasn't too hot or too cold, the corridor looked like it would never end, like a maze, for a few minutes we were quiet, then i noticed an idea crossed shusui's mind, i saw it in his face, he looked at me with a smile, though there was something behind the smile.

then shunsui asked 'want to go faster?'

'faster.. what' i didn't understand what he meant, i gave him a confused look.

shunsui gave a cheeky grin and i took a step back, suspicious of him 'shunsui... what are you thin-' i got cut of as shunsui grabbed me in a tight hug and lifted me up, i gave a startled yelp and held on before shunsui kicked of the ground and we were flying. suddenly we were on a roof and shunsui put me down, i jumped back, startled.

'WHAT WAS THAT!' i asked him in a higher pitched voice then normal, i looked around and i was as lost as ever but instead of the maze i was in a second ago, all i could see was roofs. shunsui tried but couldnt hold the laugh, he stood laughing at me for a good minute, i blushed bight red and glared at him.

after he had some control, shunsui then took a breath and smiled wide 'i told you before, its shunpoe juu'

i glared at him 'i thought that was some drunken story you came up with'

'ha, i couldn't even dream up something like that' he replied with a chuckle.

having been shocked, i was shaking slightly, and now i was pissed, i turned away from him and started walking away 'whatever' then i realised 'where am i?'

shunsui appeared at my shoulder and i jumped with fright, the drunk was quiet, i glared.

'we are on the border of fourth division and 6th division, you want to be heading the other way juu' he pointed in the right direction, a smile played on his lips.

i knew i was going to get lost if i wasn't with shusui, but right now i was pissed, i just glared.

'alright, im sorry juu, ill ask next time... but you gotta admit that was funny' shunsui gave me a face, it played on my anger and it was suddenly extremely hard to be mad at him, not to mention... he was right, that was kinda funny, i eventually i couldn't resist a small smile as much as i tried not too.

'come on juu chan, lighten up, its bad for your health you know' he nudged me playfully.

i gave up, rolling my eyes, letting the smile take over 'fine... it was kinda funny... but don't ever do that again'

'alright, agreed, i was kinda hoping it might help you remember though, i guess it didn't work' he replied.

i felt like face palming 'you thought it might help to scare me out of my wits... '

'well when you put it that way, of course its not gonna work' he whined like a child.

i just looked at him, shunsui shrugged 'oh well lets go home, do you want to shunpoe or not' he asked me.

after the first experience i wasn't so sure i wanted to try it again but i thought he might actually have a good point, it might help me remember if i try, i sighed 'fine, can you show me how to shunpoe... without the surprise this time preferably'

shunsui smiled triumphantly 'sure i can juu'

i shook my head, he was like a child. i listened as shunsui attepted to teach me how to shunpoe, i think i had the general idea though after much conversation 'ok, its worth a try, so i start by... runing?'

'id suggest that, its how we were first taught at school, you ready juu?' he said with a smile.

i shrugged 'yeah, here goes nothing' i looked at shunsui unsure but tried it, i started running, and shunsui followed my lead, shunsui had said then i should try and push myself forward or something like thiat, i didnt quite understand but i tried it and found myself flying forward feeling like i knew how to shunpoe all along, i knew exactly what i was doing, i smiled and stopped, my long hair sweeping to my side, i felt triumpent, shunsui stopped beside me, mirroring my smile.

'is it a story now juu?' he asked cheekily, i replied by pushing him playfully.

'so where we going? then shunsui' i asked.

'follow me juu' he motioned then shunpoed, i followed, keeping up with him easily, i guessed that this was just the start of what i would remember.


	5. Chapter 5

Please forgibe me all for the lateness, i know its rude and completely unreasonable but i have a mind like a sparrow, and i couldnt find the next chapter in my head, i firgot about the story, again, please forgive me and I hope you guys like this, and tell me if I do wrong, I would love to hear.

I hope you guys are enjoying my story, I am enjoying writing it.

I don't own any of these characters, kubo tite the creator of bleach does.

* * *

So far it had been a week since waking, I had picked up little bits and pieces of my shattered memory, shunsui stayed by my side like a dedicated friend while I did that, every bit as patient as you would hope for, In the short time that I had known him, or knew of him since I still couldn't remember him, I had decided beneath his drunken outerpersonality, there was someone decent there, and he was a good friend.

Shunsui took me home to ugendo, I couldn't remember ever calling it home but I felt most comfortable here then anywhere else so far, so I figured he was right, he hadnt led me astray yet. When I first got home, shunsui made me some tea while I was investigating, I found a nice spot near a lake that I decided to sit, it turned out that shunsui figured I would be there, apparently I usually sat there if not inside, from what I'd heard of myself, I seemed very set in my ways.

'I guess old habits can't be forgotten' I smiled.

'it seems not' he set down a teapot and a single cup, I looked at him confused.

'you aren't you having any?'

He chuckled 'no, I have my own drink' he then pulled out a brown bottle of sake I recognised the smell, it also brought back a few memories about shunsui, we would sit in this same spot, me with my tea, shunsui with his sake and we would talk the hours away. I also remember taking him home on those night he got too drunk.

Faint memories of a younger version of me and him walking through the halls of a school, and blood, for some reason I remembered blood, always surrounding me, i didn't understand, I didn't give it much thought though, I didn't want to get depressed about it.

'so.. Captain Unohana... Is it just me or is she evil?' ihas decided that she gave me the chills, her smile was the worst.

Shunsui laughed at this 'well, we haven't figured that part out yet'

Slightly surprised 'have we had this conversation before!?' I smiled, sipping my tea.

'yes, we have this conversation a lot, usually when you get free from fourth division' he smiled, drinking his sake.

'oh.. So..why am I admitted to fourth division a lot, is it just.. Well I don't know.. ' I looked at him curiously.

He sighs 'it's because of your tb, you have had it since before I met you' shunsui seemed to get slightly upset talking about it.

I was surprised, I didn't know what I was expecting but I know I wasn't expecting an illness outside of the normal cold 'oh... I guess that's reason enough then isn't it' I looked at the tea in my hands, it somewhat depressed me to find that out.

Shunsui nodded 'yeah, usually I'm the one that forces you to go, if your ok enough to fight' he looked at me.

I look at him 'Really? How often is that?'

'often enough for me to know how to help you' he smiled 'but I still stand by the opinion that you won't fall to anything other then a warriors death, and we both... Or I know how often we both fight'

I felt comforted by this, I had forgotten what tb included but somehow I knew I could trust shunsui to help me, I smiled 'what reason would there be to fight'

'exactly, so your not going anywhere' shunsui was confident about this.

'i believe you' I drank my tea, by now, it was getting late, the moon had come up and the air was just starting to bite, that's when shunsui said I should get inside, the cold didn't have any affect on him apparently, unlike me, so we moved inside and continued our talk, shunsui seemed to make it his buisness to make sure i wasn't doing anything I shouldn't, in fact he was very protective.

Shunsui usually went home of a nighttime and would return in the morning, usually I would wait for him bored.


	6. Chapter 6

Ok, so I know lately that I have been taking my time with my writing, please forgive me for that, but I hope to improve.

I do not ownthese characters, kubo tite does

* * *

The next morning, shunsui had not yet arrived, he usually came around a few hours before midday, I woke up hours before him. since I didn't remember anything, I would just wander around my home and the lake near by, i never got lost, I knew my way.. Ish, but I chose not to venture into the maze called seritei, I didn't particularly fancy being lost, unknown to me, my lt had been trying to find me, it seemed as early as she came, I was already out, she assumed I was busy so she would leave, that's what she told me when she finally caught me.

I heard a knock on my door and I answered the door myself, I was expecting shunsui or my two third seats, when I saw a short raven haired girl, I was quite lost, though a shadowy memory of a rainy day, a sorrowful scream and tears made its way, blood again a common theme, I didn't understand it.

'hello..' I wasn't sure what her name was but by the badge on her arm that said she was a part of the thirteenth division, I gathered I really should.

The girl seemed relieved to see me 'captain ukitake sir' she bowed.

I wasn't sure what to say so I figured I'd just smile 'yes'

'I've been trying to see you for day's, are you ok captain, I heard that you went home but you haven't been home' the girl was worried about me.

'oh, uh, sorry.. I've just been out I guess, I'm ok' I felt guilty, I didn't know her name and she was worried about me, she felt familiar.

'its ok, I was just worried I guess, I'd heard you had lost your memories' she looked at me curiously 'are you sure your ok captain?'

I nodded 'honestly, I'm fine.. Just tired or something' i didn't want to admit that i didn't know her name, it felt rude 'why don't you come in, I'll make us some tea' I hoped to hide my feelings by doing something.

'uh, sure, that would be nice, thank you captain' she smiled, I returned the smile and set to making some tea, the girl took a seat and waited. I made us some tea and sat across from her.

'your welcome' I poured her some tea.

'sir, if it's not rude' she looked nervous 'did you really lose your memory' she took a drink.

I didn't want to disappoint her, but I couldn't lie, I just hoped maybe something good would come out of this.

'w-well.. Yeah.. I kinda did' it was my turn to be nervous.

She looked surprised, then the look changed to worry 'captain? What's wrong.'

I looked down at my tea, nervous, then looked at her 'I.. I don't actually remember you... I'm sorry' I looked at her with a mixture of guilt and sadness.

She seemed surprised, then sad 'oh.. I see... It's ok captain, you will remember soon.. ' then she brightened up 'let me introduce myself then' she smiled 'I'm rukia, rukia kuchiki' she bowed again.

I gave a small smile 'its nice to meet you kuchiki.. Again'

A look crossed her face 'captain.. if you didn't remember me.. Why did you let me in?' she looked at me curiously.

'Because your a part of my division'

'how did you know that?' really curious now.

'the badge on your arm, am I wrong?' I sipped my tea, looking at her, slightly worried, was I wrong?

She blushed bright red 'oh, of course, no your right, I'm your lt' she sips her own tea rather embarrassingly.

'oh, so your the one who has been running my division then?'

'oh.. Yeah, I am' she smiled.

'how are things?'

'well everyone is missing you, they are worried about you captain, you haven't been seen for a while, but other than that, everything is up to date' she looked quite pleased with herself.

I smile 'well that's good, I will visit the division soon, it's just I was hoping to get my memories back before I did, I don't want too disappoint the division, but.. It's not working out like that' I sigh 'so is there anything important I should know that you can tell me?'

Rukia looked thoughtful 'well... No, not really... Sir, can I take you to see someone?' she looked like she had an idea 'it's through the division, you can visit at the same time, if you want too of course'

'I guess I can't see the harm in trying it' I smiled 'when are you thinking?'

'I can take you now if you like, it's up to you captain'

I looked at the time, shunsui should be able to find me 'we can go now, that's fine' I was kinda looking forward to it, maybe it will help.

She smiled 'sure, if you will follow me, I'll take you to him' she stood and walked outside, I followed her, we shunpoed into seritei, somehow it felt familiar, soon enough we stopped at a set of gates with my division number written on the doors.

I smiled, the place felt familiar, a few memories came back, I knew this was where I spent a lot of my time, I also remembered a little more about rukia, rukia must have noticed, she smiled.

'welcome to thirteenth division captain ukitake' she continued to walk through the gates, I followed, there were people dressed in black, the uniform of the shinigami, they gave a short bow as I passed, smiles lighting up their faces, some greeted me with "sir" others with "captain ukitake" I aknolodged them all with a smile and a nod, I felt at home here, the members almost like my family whether I knew them or not, rukia was just as happy as me, she told me later it was because the whole division was depressed, she was happy to see them smile again.

Rukia led me through my division to a graveyard, we walked through to an older part of the graveyard and rukia stopped to stand by a particular grave, and looked at me.

'I was hoping if you remembered kaien-dono, maybe you might remember other things.. '

I looked at the grave, it read "kaien shiba, beloved husband and faithful lt" the shadowy memory came forward again, this time, I could tell the scream belonged to rukia, she screamed out kaiens name, I remembered the whole scene, the falling of my lt kaien, I remembered rukia, the sister of byakuya kuchiki, she would train with kaien, then there was kaiens wife, miyako shiba, she had died as well, it was one of the saddest days in my division, I couldn't fight because I had gotten sick, i felt a tear roll down my cheek, I smiled though, I'm glad I remembered.

'thank you kuchiki-San' she just smiled back.

'it's alright captain'

I kneeled and said a silent thank you too my former lt, I remembered his smile and forward attitude, his playful tone saying "your welcome captain, don't let it happen again" I stood, I had learned a lot about myself since I had woken up, I still didn't remember everything but it was coming along.

'kuchiki, can you take me too my office, I don't remember where it is' she smiled.

'sure, this way captain' Rukia led me to heart of the division, by the time I got there, I had remembered where to go, I could happily navigate my division at least it was something of an improvement to being lost, that's where shunsui found me, I liked being in my office, it's not that it made me feel important, it was more that this was where I was supposed to be, rukia had paperwork she needed to do, I offered to help but she said it was ok, when I insisted she simply asked me if if i remembered how, I realised I didn't, I was quiet then.

A knocking at the door and shunsui made his entrance 'juu, there you are, get impatient did you' he smiled.

I smiled back 'no, not really, kuchiki-San took me to see lt shiba, she offered and I wasn't doing anything, you were probably still in bed' I gave him a cheeky smile.

'well.. Yes I was... You know I like my sleep juu'

'shunsui, we should be quiet, kuchiki-San is working'

Shunsui lifted an eyebrow 'and your not? Usually your a workaholic'

'I offered to help but I don't know what im doing... So I think I'd make more mess' I sighed.

'that's probably true...' shunsui looked thoughtful, then he turned to rukia 'kuchiki-San, can I borrow your captain'

She smiled 'of course captain kyouraku, take care' she bowed, then went back to her paperwork.

Shunsui relied to her 'of course' then her turned to me 'juu, come with me, I got an idea'

I stood up from sitting on the floor, rukia had offered a chair but I refused 'ok... What are we doing' I was immediately suspicious, I took every idea of his as a possible bad one.

'trust me, I think it will help you' he smiled. At that point I hadn't realised I had left my blade at home, I was still puzzled by it's... Feelings.. It didn't seem right for a blade to be alive, but even so, I really should carry it with me if I was supposed to be a captain, but that would wait.


	7. Chapter 7

Ok, so I was planning onupdating once a week at least but that hasn't worked lately so please forgive me, I hope you guys areI enjoying the story, it will have an ending soon, but not yet, thank you for your patience if you have been following this story

I do not own these characters, kubo tite does

* * *

Lt kuchiki had taken me around my division, I was glad that I remembered where I was going in the end, by the end I would easily be able to navigate my way through my division without getting lost, that was an improvement on not knowing anything at all, I had ended up sitting on the floor of my office sinking tea and watching my lt work regretfully.

Shunsui eventually came by and took me out of my lts hands so she could work. We walked through seritei, this time I sort of recognised where I was.

'juu, have you talked to sogyo lately?' he looked at me, I had no idea what he was talking about.

'sogyo.. No, I don't think so, have I met them since I lost my memories?' I looked back confused. A surprised then sad look crossed his face but he hid it quickly.

'evidently not...' shunsui looked thoughtful, I heard him mumble to himself that they must be worried 'juu, where's your zanpaktou?'

I was confused until I remembered that that was another name for my blade, it was then I realised i had left it at home, I sighed 'it's at home, I'm sorry'

Shunsui seemed to make a decision 'lets go get it, I need to show you something'

I was confused but did as I was told, we walked to ugendo and I picked up my blade, then shunsui took me to the lake.

'juu, do you feel anything from your zanpaktou' we were now sitting and watching the lake, he looked at me, shunsui kind of had a desperate look in his eyes which he managed to keep from the rest of his expression.

I had noticed that every day I spent with my blade, I had felt something from it but I thought I was crazy so I didn't mention it 'well.. Yes but I thought it was nothing..'

He seemed to cheer up a little 'that's a good sign, what can you feel?' he seemed to be asking like there was something wrong. I thought about the feelings I was getting from my blade.

'well... Since when... I guess there's lots of emotions.. Is that normal? I mean I thought I was crazy' I looked at him unsure.

'no your not crazy, everyone's blade is like that, tell me all that you know' shunsui was reassuring.

I thought back 'well.. When I first got it, it seemed relieved, then it was happy for a while... Now it fesls like its worried about me... I mean... I don't know really' holding the blade in my hand, I felt the worry clearly, for some reason I wanted to comfort that feeling but I thought that was probably stupid.

Shunsui seemed relieved 'that means they are ok then, can you hear them? Your zanpaktou' I felt like he was interviewing me and I was confused.

'What do you mean.. My blade? Is it talking to me?' I looked at him lost.

Shunsui seemed to realise how little I knew 'yes, do you hear voices or anything?'

'no... At least not that I know of' I was slightly offended.

Shunsui seemed slightly upset, he was thinking like I'd just given him the biggest problem in the world 'juu, can you try something for me, please?'

'try what?' I looked at him suspiciously.

'i need you to shut your eyes and empty your mind, can you tell me if you hear anything then? Please juu, this is something you need to remember'

I had no idea what he was doing but I supposed it wouldn't hurt, so I tired it, I wasn't expecting anything to happen but I did in fact hear faint voices, I couldn't hear them well as much as I tried, I looked at shunsui confused.

'ok.. I heard voices... What dies that mean?'

Again shunsui lightened up a little 'are they clear voices? What are they saying?'

I frowned 'I don't know, I can't hear them properly'

'juu, please try to listen' so I tried again, I still couldn't hear them but they did become clearer.

I looked at him 'whats this for shunsui, please tell me'

'from what your telling me, there's someone you need to speak too, they miss you abd are worried about you, I can't help you with this juu, not more then I am' shunsui looked at me.

I sighed 'where is this someone?'

shunsui put a hand on his heart 'here, that's why I can't help you'

I looked at him unsure but tried concentrating again, i felt a little dumb but I tried answering the voices in my head "hello" I had shut my eyes, I was watching the lake previously, so when I opened my eyes to find I was sitting on a beach, I was rather shocked, I stood, not sure where I was, that's when I heard the voices around me instead of at a distance like before.

'jushiro!' I looked around looking for the source of the voices,there's was two, they were nearly identical sounding.

'hello?' I was starting to feel stressed, then something pulled at my sleeve, I turned that way and took at step back, there were two identical twin kids there.

The twins looked worried yet relieved 'jushiro... Where have you been' i saw their eyes water, like they were about to cry.

I felt relieved to see them myself but I didn't know who they were, I felt I owed them more then an apology 'I.. I.. Uh.. I don't know.. Home I guess.. Who.. Who are you two'

The twins looked shocked 'don't you remember us?'

I felt guilty 'no.. I lost my memory.. I don't even know who I am.. Im sorry' I looked away to the ground.

The twins were silent for a few 'is that why we couldn't talk to you? We have been trying to reach you... We are your zanpaktou'

I looked at them confused 'my blade? What?'

I saw tears fall down their cheeks, their expressions changed to anger, the two were holding hands, they looked up at me 'WHY DON'T YOU REMEMBER US'

I felt like I was betraying them 'I.. I don't know' I felt myself getting upset.

The two twins glared at me then suddenly they ran off and disappeared, then I saw the lake in front of me, I felt more tears running down my cheek.

Shunsui put a hand on my shoulder 'juu? What happened?'

I looked at him 'I can't remember them... Now they are upset' I now felt anger from my blade.

shunsui looked surprised and gave a sad look 'I thought you would remember them..'

'where was I shunsui' I wanted answers.

'your innerworld, where your zanpaktou spirit lives, you needed to find them again, they have been worried about you' shunsui looked at me.

'shunsui... What does this mean? They are mad at me and I don't know where they are' I felt lost 'what do I do'

'only you can fix this juu, only you know what to do' shunsui looked at the ground in front of him 'you need them and they need you'

I looked at him lost. Shunsui looked at me and sighed 'look, how about I go home early today, it will give you some time to talk to them' then he stood and gave me a smile 'I know you can do this juu, you've done it before' then he shunpoed.

I looked at the lake and sighed, I don't remember the last time, what was I supposed to do.


	8. Chapter 8

So in terms of the story, it's going well, I'll try not to leave a giant gap since adding this time. I'm hoping you guys are enjoying the story and I know there's probably mistakes through all the chapters but I'll get to them when I'mfinished the story.

I do not own these

characters, kubo tite does

* * *

I knew shunsui was probably right leaving me to try and fix things with my zanpaktou, but i didn't know what to do, I couldn't remember them and I don't think the two boys would help me out since last I saw them, they ran away from me angry, I had however tried to return to my innerworld to see them.

The whole situation was causing me a lot of stress and I was almost overwhelmed by the waves of guilt and sadness that not remembering had caused. I could only imagine how my zanpaktou had felt being forgotten. I had been having trouble keeping my concentration and from what little I knew or remembered, that wasn't a good thing.

Since early afternoon when shunsui had left me, it was now getting close to midnight and I was sitting in my room with another cup of tea. I had given up on sleeping because i was simply too emotional to sleep despite being tired. After laying in bed for at least an hour or more without success, it was just better to wake myself up again. My zanpaktou was on it's stand on the wall, I would look at the ground and glance at it guiltily before looking at the ground again.

Another half an hour of this passed, watching the floor and my tea going cold in my hands, it was kind of cold as well. I was getting sick of this, i don't remember ever having trouble with my zanpaktou, even though I didn't remember much about them, it was then I had decided that I had to fix this no matter what, so I took my blade in my hands and I tried again with a new determination.

When I opened my eyes to the beach, it was different, the waves were rough and stormy, the sky was grey, it was completely different to the sunny paradise I had seen hours earlier, I guess your innerworld reflected your mood. I didn't know where I was going but I started walking along the shore, i couldn't call out the kids names as I didn't know them so I searched in silence.

'jushiro, what are you still doing up' their voices rang out as clear as day but it seemed the two had not reappeared as I couldn't see them.

'i can't sleep.. ' my guilt deepened as the voices seemed disappointed in me.

'you know staying up late is bad for you dont you'

I paused 'I guess... I just.. ' I didn't know what I should say to them.

I was wearing my bedclothes, again I felt someone pull at my sleeve and I looked to see the two twins. They looked angry yet almost sad and worried.

'just what?' the two were amazingly intimidating.

I opened my mouth to speak but I had nothing to say so I looked at the ground guiltly.

'jushiro... What did you want to say'

'i still.. Don't remember you... But I know I don't like seeing you two like this... And I miss you both... I'm sorry.. I just... Don't know what to do...' I avoided their eyes. We were standing near the shore and water was lapping over our feet.

The twins were silent, then they roughly shoved me causing me to fall over into the water, I was at their level now 'dad, you know us, we know you do, otherwise you couldn't hear us, you hear us right' they looked upset while trying to stay mad.

I nodded 'yes... I hear you..'

'then remember us, we don't know how we can help you but you have to remember us' they were getting upset again, unable to stay mad.

I looked at them helplessly, I had been searching for them all afternoon and still couldn't remember.

'LOOK AT US, don't you remember?' two blades appeared in their hands, one twin holding one each, a ribbon joined the hilts and the blade was like nothing i'd remembered seeing, but my heart ached to remember what was right there in front of me, I knew the blades. The twins dropped the blades in the sand in front of me 'here, this is yours' and then they disappeared again.

The blades were beautiful, they looked noble and perfect, something to be proud of, i reached out and touched the hilt lightly, somehow i didn't feel i was worthy for them after forgetting them, upon grasping the hilt, it felt warm in my hands, like it belonged there, then i remembered,

'sogyo... sogyo no kotowari, that's your name' i took hold of the other blade in my spare hand, i smiled, i suddenly felt relieved, i guess i didn't know it but i had been worried about them, now i remembered them, i knew they were ok and worried about me, i was sitting in the water were sogyo had left me but i didst mind,i was just glad i had remembered them.

The beach seemed to settle down noticeably after that, sogyo reappeared and tackled me 'YAY, YOU REMEMBERED!'

I fell back into the water, luckily i didn't have a real good grip on my blades or the boys could have been hurt, i sighed 'what have i told you about playing around with blades' i smiled and hugged them 'i missed you guys'

The twins were now all smiles but pretended to look guilty 'sorry dad' it was quickly forgotten when they hugged me back tight 'we missed you too dad, you know we were worried about you, we couldn't talk to you for so long' now they started to worry again.

I was laying in the water with them on top of me, it was a usual greeting, even though usually i dodged it, i looked at them 'yeah.. that's a long story... you know how we had to fight the espadas?'

The twins nodded in unison, listening 'well, one of them hurt me bad and i fell off a building apparently, or that's what I've been told anyway... i don't remember it'

The twins looked surprised and shocked 'no way... are you ok?' they started fussing over me.

I nodded 'yeah, I'm fine now, promise.. i just lost a little bit of memory when i fell off the building.. im sorry i forgot you guys' i looked at them guiltily.

The twins sighed 'alright.. we can forgive you... you did remember us eventually.. but is that why we couldn't talk to us?'

'i was in a coma.. for something like two or three weeks i think LT Kotetsu said.. that's probably why... and then i couldn't remember you... so our link would have been broken for the week i have been awake.. im so sorry guys, you know id never leave you guys right'

The twins nodded 'so that's like a month... a month of not talking...' then something must of clicked, they looked at me worried 'have you been sick, do you know?'

'no, not that i know of... shunsui has been taking care of me... should i have been?' i looked at them confused.

They looked surprised' you don't remember your illness...'

I replied guiltily 'well no, not really...'

They looked thoughtful, still sitting on me though i think they'd forgotten they were 'you be careful ok dad'

I nodded 'i will, promise' i gave them a smile, they smiled back, then i saw that they had an idea.

'dad, do you remember how to use us' they looked excited.

I thought, i had gotten an idea but not completely 'kinda.. its a bit fuzzy...'

The twins looked at each other 'ok, we will train him tomorrow then' then they looked at me 'hear that dad, you have to come back tomorrow so you can train with us'

'train as in fight? i don't want to fight you guys..' i looked at them.

The twins rolled their eyes 'lets not have this argument again dad, you train with us tomorrow ok, now you need to sleep ok, you look like a zombie' the two giggled then got off m and helped me up, their shikai had disappeared.

Now that they had mentioned it, i was kinda tired... very tired actually, suddenly i was struggling to stay awake, i looked at them 'you guys are probably right, alright, fine, ill come back tommorow, promise ok'

The twins jumped around eagarly with big smiles 'ok, we will see you then ok, now go to bed before we put you to sleep ourselves' the two giggled again.

'alright' i kinda didn't want to leave them since its been so long but i knew i had too, i hugged them again 'stay safe ok boys' they hugged me back.

'always' and then i left, opening my eyes to my room, i was too tired to move so i turned off the lamp and went to bed, leaving sogyo beside me, i fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, i didn't end up letting go of sogyo before i slept, i slept peacefully anyway.


	9. Chapter 9

yay, i loved my last ch, i think its totally adorable.. but i guess im all for ukitake and his adorable little zanpaktou, what floats your boat right, but anyway, getting onto the next chapter, still not sure where im going with this story but i know it will end -_- lame right, but still, thank you for your time so far for reading, please review ^_^

i do not own these characters, kubo tite the creator etc.. of bleach does

* * *

I woke up and shunsui was sitting in my living room playing cards, it seemed i had slept in, but it was one of the best sleeps id had since coming home, i couldn't help but smile, i was in a great mood, i got changed into my uniform, i don't know why i did, usually i didn't work but it was a habit i guess, when id done that, i sat down with him with a cup of tea with a big smile.

'morning shunsui'

he smiled back, giving me a curious look 'morning, you look quite healthy today'

I looked at his game and pointed out a move he could make 'im feeling great, thank you shunsui, it seems you were right about talking to sogyo'

he gave me a look 'thank you for what, you would have found out eventually... and can i offer you a game juu?'

'yeah but im glad you pointed it out sooner rather then later... i could go for a game' i smiled.

shunsui gathered the cards and dealt them, we started playing a new game 'well your welcome then, plus, you have often said that the fury of two twin kids is one to be feared..'

'i can honestly not recall that but... i do agree, they were kinda mad.. but mostly worried though..'

'im not surprised, your always telling me how those two would worry for you']

'i missed them... even if i didn't remember them...'

shunsui smiled 'you always did like kids, but i didn't expect anything less of you'

i smiled back 'you are creepy shunsui'

he gave me an innocent look 'why?'

'because you know more about me then i do'

'well its to be expected, i stalk you everyday' he gave me a playful smile.

'that's creepy too... '

'probably' he ended up winning the game, i didn't remember all the rules.

'so did you have any plans for today?'

shunsui put the cards away 'actually, im supposed to take you back to fourth division for a check up, i didn't want to wake you'

i frowned 'do i have to go, unohana give me weird meds'

'yes, and you know it, she would smile me to death if i didn't take you' shunsui offered a hand and helped me up forcefully.

i sighed 'alright, i'd hate to have you suffer' i rolled my eyes stubbornly but walked with him to fourth division, deliberately taking my time.

'cheer up juu, it should be quick if you have been taking your meds' he nudged me.

'yes i have been, but that still doesn't change i don't like the place' finally we arrived at fourth division to be met by captain unohana, i remembered her this time round though.

captain unohana bowed her head lightly in greeting 'captain kyouraku, captain ukitake, its good to see you both well'

i bowed my head back 'unohana-sempai, its good to see you again' i smiled, despite my dislike of the place, i did like unohana, she was one of the only captains that had remained with shunsui and i through the years, yama-jii i knew would always be there, he was too stubborn to kill.

shunsui did likewise 'agreed, a very pleasant sight unohana-sempai' he gave that charming smile he always gave the ladies he came across.

unohana smiled kindly 'am i correct in guessing you remember more than you did last time captain ukitake'

i nodded 'yes, I'm slowly getting it all back'

'thats lovely news, im glad to hear that, i assume captain kyouraku has led you in the right path so far' she gave him a look then returned her gaze back to me.

shunsui pouted 'im not that bad'

i struggled to hide my smile 'yes he has'

little known to most people, unohana actually had a humor despite her mostly serious act, not many people would ever see it, shunsui and i were two of those few, she smiled 'so it seems, well that's all in order, come this way captain ukitake, ill check your vitals and you should be fine to go' unohana completed my check up and soon enough i was allowed to go.

Unohana had given me a new med today, apparently I was supposed to take it weekly as of today, the meds made me kind of lightheaded and slightly unstable, I know it's supposed to help me but dammit, I hated new meds.

'shes definitely evil...' we were walking out of the division.

Shunsui chuckled 'new meds huh' he hadn't followed for the rest of the check up.

'yes, I told you, she gives me weird meds' I scowled.

'I can't help you there juu'

'i know.. So what are we doing now anyway' I was officially in a bad mood.

'don't know... Anything you want to do?' he looked at me.

I thought, I was supposed to see sogyo today but with my state of being, I don't think that would be real successful 'let's check out your division, I'm sure there's work you need to do'

He gave me a look 'serious... Your gonna rat me out'

I couldn't resist a small cheeky smile 'yes I am'

'awww, your no fun juu, but fine' shunsui pouted like a child, in fact, a lot of the time he was a child, it was rather funny to watch at the best of times.

My assumption was correct, shunsui did have a lot to catch up on, I was nice enough to help him this time because I was a big cause of it, it turned out I did remember how to do some paperwork, that's where we spent the rest of the day, in shunsuis office, it was fun talking to his lt and I saw sogyo that night instead of my original plans.

It was a good day despite feeling higher then sogyoku hill because of the new meds, I was hoping I could resume my duties soon.


	10. Chapter 10

Ok, I know it has been a very... Long time since I updated, I ask you for my forgiveness, and I hope that this ch is what you were waiting for :'( I truly am sorry for the wait

I don't own these characters, kubo tite does

* * *

Sitting in my office actually doing paperwork this time, it felt good but when I write the last signature, I was a bit disappointed, I enjoyed being up to date but at the same time, it was rather boring when I had another half a day to waste away.

To kill time I would talk to shunsui, whom I had remembered completely, as I had most other people, there were a few things about me that I didn't remember still, I seemed to be the last thing I wanted to remember.

Shunsui, or shun seemed happy to see me "back to normal" or mostly, unfortunately I didn't quite remember all of being "back to normal" and when I started coughing, shun was concerned for me, I didn't understand why.

'juu, you ok..' he sat across from me, we were sitting in my office on the floor talking.

'I'm fine, what's wrong shun..' I looked at him confused, then I would cough.

'nothing I guess, just worried.. Over nothing I'm sure' he gave me a fake smile, worry in his eyes.

Naturally I thought it was just a natural cough, the feeling in my chest just a cold or something, nothing worth worrying about right? 'shun... Your a bad lier'

'I think you should get some rest.. Just in case...' I could tell shun would fight for this, I really couldn't be bothered fighting with him over this.

I sighed 'alright, but I'm fine...' I coughed again, but I passed it off.

Shunsui seemed silently relieved, yet his worry didn't leave 'I know... I'm surprised your listening to me..'

'I don't feel like fighting today, it's a nice day' I stood, shunsui standing with me, looking out the window, it was indeed a nice day, the sky was blue and the clouds were white and fluffy in the sky, it wasn't hot, it was just nice.

'seems I should find these days more often, you might listen more then' he gave me a cheeky grin, adjusting his hat.

'don't push your luck, it's just a lucky day' I grinned back.

'awww, but you know I do that best' he still couldn't hide his worry, his eyes betrayed him, it kinda set me on edge.

I coughed again, not noticing but it was getting worse, I was kinda breathless too, but I didn't pay attention 'you should make me some tea since you have convinced me to listen to you' I walked to the door and started walking to my quarters, shunsui followed, walking faithfully by my side, he was like a puppy, kinda cute really.

'you and your tea, you should try something stronger more often, you will have more fun' he nudged me playfully.

'no, I like it as it is thank you' I stopped, I was breathing heavily, had I really worked that hard, I coughed.

Shun stopped and looked at me concerned 'juu.. Are you sure your ok...'

This time I couldn't answer, I was coughing, it hurt a lot, I couldn't exactly breathe, and then there was blood in my hand, i leaned on a nearby wall, I felt panic rising, what is happening.

'juu... ' he stepped over and placed a hand on my shoulder, concerned.

my hands were starting to shake, through the coughs I was struggling to breathe through the panic 's-shun... What's.. What's this..' I looked at him, afraid.

Shun paled 'you.. You don't remember.. It's your illness juu, just stay clam alright, panic isn't good' evidently he had noticed.

'captain! Captain ukitake! Are you ok' suddenly there was a few of my members surrounding me, I suddenly felt trapped, i couldn't speak, my coughing was getting worse. I'm glad shunsui could read my thoughts, he seemed to be able to tell I needed to get out.

'he's fine, I'll look after him, please go, all of you' shunsui took it upon himself to pull me away from everyone and get me to my quarters, he ended up supporting me by the time we got there.

Shunsui put me on my bed and grabbed my attention 'juu, you need to breathe, your not breathing'

He was right, I wasn't, I started breathing again, and coughing, I wasn't getting any better because I couldn't calm down.

I slightly heard shun send a hell butterfly to someone, I heard him say I was in no state to move and someone needed to come to me, I don't know specifically how long it took but soon captain unohana was there.

'captain ukitake, calm down, focus on your breathing' captain unohana seemed to know exactly what to do, she gave me a needle and did various other things I only half paid attention too but something in her voice made me do as I was told, I focused on my breathing, and sure enough, I was starting to calm down and make sense of things again.

Shunsui had taken a seat against the wall, watching me like a hawk, he was tense and worried, he'd always been like that, worried about me, always looking out for me.

As I calmed down, I started thinking, a memory played in my head, a small boy, he was young, black hair, he was backed into a corner, a few bigger kids around him, they would call him names, talking to me about how being noble was, how the nobles treated them, the small boy was me, back then I was bullied because I was the kid of the noble ukitake family, I had never treated anyone wrong, maybe my family had but the kids despised me, I would never leave my family's home because of it, but this time was different, another young boy, he came and protected me, he was a stranger, he scared the bullies off, then turned to me and said I'll see you later with that same cheeky grin as he had now, when we met again we again we became friends, his name was shunsui kyouraku, from then on we spent nearly all our time together, we we went to school together, we became captains together. Shunsui had always protected me, until a time that I could look after myself, then he backed off until he was needed, I remember the three days that my hair had turned white, as a kid he sat with me, he told me it looked weird, it was the first thing he said, I was too sick to argue, but it made me smile, with that it faded back to reality.

I was breathing normal, the coughing had stopped, though now I was all bloody, I was tired. I looked at shun 'w-what did.. What was this again...'

'you tb, your illness juu...' he came over 'you alright juu?'

As it happened, that was when I remembered it, I shook my head with a weak smile 'yeah, I'm ok.. Wish I remembered earlier though.. '

Shunsui gave me a small smile 'well... It would have helped..'

Captain unohana looked at me in surprise 'you should sleep captain, that really wasn't good for you'

I nodded 'yeah.. Probably not.. Not much is good for me' my chest was now hurting, though my chest had loosened so I could breathe.

Captain unohana stood 'stay in bed for a day or so, you should be fine' then she left as quickly as she came.

Shunsui watched her leave 'I bet you will be out of bed tommorow.. '

I smiled, he knew me well 'most likely' I was sitting up weakly.

Shunsui smiled 'hard to pick who's side I'll take'

I gave him an "o really" look 'I should expect you to pick mine'

He grinned 'when do I do as I'm expected to do' he then sighed 'that was pretty scary though.. I've never seen you panic like that before...'

I looked at him, I was surprised to find I had teared up, I dried my eyes 'it was an experience.. One I don't want again' I flinched as moved my chest too much.

Shunsui was not afraid to show his friendship, our friendship was rare, though we were males, if one of us needed a hug, we would give each other a hug, our "manliness" or so it could be called was just a word, freinds were freinds.

Shunsui was sitting beside me on the floor, he leaned over and hugged me 'don't worry juu, I won't let you forget again'

it actually kinda hurt when he hugged me 'ouch.. Shun, gentle... But thank you... ' i kinda needed a hug.

He let me go quickly 'sorry, I forgot...' he gave a small goofy smile.

'it's fine.. Just don't do it again.. Please' that was really rather painful actually, I noticed that shunsui had got some blood on him, I pointed it out 'you have a little something there...'

Shunsui looked and shrugged 'meh, it will come out' he knew full well blood stained.

I couldn't be bothered changing my uniform, I had spare, let one be ruined, It didn't bother me, I laid down, flinching again, I looked at shunsui 'thanks for today'

He smiled 'no problem, I'll let you rest now then juu' then shunsui left as well, he never went far, he was like a puppy, never too far away, I fell asleep quickly, laying on top of my bed in my uniform, bloodied up, that was the end of that day.


	11. Chapter 11

ok guys, final chapter, i know its taken a while to finish but finally it is, i hope you have enjoyed this story and keep smiling ^_^

i do not own bleach kubo tite does :/

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It took me a few days to recover from my illness, I stayed at my division during that time, apparently I had managed to keep my memory loss somewhat quiet before I had my attack, my obvious panic had raised some questions and I had to admit that I had indeed lost my memory, it was a mess.

I was sitting in my office and I had had almost non-stop traffic in my office all day from the members of my division, some were mad abd others were worried, I just felt guilty.

'enters' I put my paperwork aside, deciding it was just easier not to try and finish it, a small group of five young girls come in and now, they look worried.

'captain.. We heard.. Uh. Are you ok' they looked extremely nervous, I could tell they were new to the division, as much as I was starting to get irritable, i knew this was kinda my fault, so I put on a smile.

'yeah, I'm ok, thank you for your concern'

The girls blushed but smiled timidly 'we are glad to hear.. Do you have your memories back sir'

I'd been asked this question too many times to count 'yes, I have recovered most of them I believe, I remember everything important so far' by now I was pretending to be nice.

One of the girls came forward and bowed deep, offering a card, I took it with a thank you, it was a "glad your back" card, they left shortly after that, and I put the card in my desk, I did appreciate my divisions thoughts, they looked after me and I them but today just wasn't me day, after they left I let my smile fall to be replaced with an irritated look, after about ten minutes it seemed I could get back to paperwork, just as I had started though my door opened again, this time without my permission.

I didn't have time to smile, without looking I knew it was shunsui, he was the only one that invited himself in while I was working.

'ahhh, juu had a bad day today... ' shunsui took a seat in front of my desk.

I wasn't in the mood for his cheek today so I scowled 'I wonder what gave you that impression' I gave him an irritated look and gave up on my papers all over again.

'don't know, maybe the totally uncute facial expression your scaring me with?' he smiled, with got on my nerves.

'what do you want..'

'to take you out with me, you need a drink' he kept smiling.

'no, I've got too much to do' I figured maybe ignoring him would help, I started my paperwork again.

Shunsui sighed, then he realised how much I actually had 'now this is unusual.. Did something happen?' he looked at me questioningly.

I put on a sarcastic smile 'uh, no.. Not really.. No wait, I went and lost my memory' I then continued to ignore him.

'you know that wasn't your fault..' he stopped with his attitude, when I didn't answer he sighed 'your no fun when your mad.. What really happened?'

There was another knock on my door and I scowled but put on a smile, I was good at faking smiles 'enter'

I was expecting more members but it was rukia 'captain, you have more visitors, should I tell them  
Your busy?'

Rukia had been helping me all that day with my visitors, and had been watching my irritation grow, she would have understood if I had said no to the visitors but I figured I might as well deal with it today 'no, it's fine, but they can be the last, I have matters I need to deal with this afternoon'

She nodded 'yes sir' shortly after she had lead in a pair of angry males.

'captain, why didn't you tell us, your division was worried about you for weeks' the males were obviously stronger minded, not many would willingly confront their captain like this.

I looked at them 'i do apologise for the miscommunication, I believed it was in my best interests to keep it to myself, I was unable to fulfil my duties as such'

'your best interests, we are supposed to help you captain, you could have at least told us something' the makes continued their attack and shunsui was beginning to understand my mood.

Rukia stepped toward the males 'captain I'll-' I cut rukia off.

'no it's fine' my fake patience was wearing thin 'I trusted my lt to look after my division while I was unable, it would have been pointless trying to run it if I had no clue who I was, I know some of you disagree with my decision but that's what it was and I had hoped it was the best I could have done, now I give my apologies and assurance that this will not happen again'

The males seemed to be satisfied by this enough to let the matter drop, they bowed, wished me well and left, rukia set to keeping my doors closed for the rest of the afternoon and as soon as it was just shunsui and I, I dropped my act, rather annoyed.

Shunsui left me in silence for a few minutes before speaking again 'all day?'

'yes, all day.. ' my mood was horrible.

'alright, your definitely coming with me tonight' he stood and came around my desk picking me up.

'swear to god I will kill you if you carry me any further' poison dripping from my words.

He put me down at the door ignoring my mood 'your coming drinking with me tonight wether you like it or not' he gave me a smile.

I returned with a glare 'I have too much to do shunsui' I move to go back to my desk.

He grabs my arm 'you can do it later, look' he goes and picks up my paperwork from my desk in a messy heap and hands it to me 'we are going to your place, you can do it there, plus, I'd hate to read papers that have been scared out of their wits'

I took them grudgingly 'fine.. But you won't have two hands if you keep grabbing me shunsui' I kept glaring.

He quickly let me go, I was serious and he had known me long enough that he knew I wasn't kidding 'alright, let's go then, your scaring me' he opened my office door for me and we started walking to my place, quickly leaving my division.

We stopped at a bar to buy some sake, even though I had some at home, the walk calmed me down a bit.

'you know your scary when your really mad' shunsui looked at me.

I shrugged 'so..' I didn't feel like talking too much.

'it makes me worry.. '

This only making my anger flare 'I'm fine' I snapped at him.

Shunsui backed off again 'ok..'

We walked in silence for a bit.

'sorry...' shunsui looked at me apolegetically.

I knew it wasn't his fault but I was mad and didn't care, I was mad at everything in general 'forget it..' we reached home shortly after that.

Shunsui poured himself and I a drink, I took mine and drank with him despite my mood.

'guess what juu' he gave me a smile.

'what..' I looked at him, I was starting to calm down.

'I managed to finish my paperwork today.. Nana-chan was mean' he whined.

I was surprised, letting go of my anger 'that's.. Unusual to say the least... What, did she threaten your sake again?'

'yes.. She was going to throw it all out, I had to do my work' he usually did this, whining about how nanao would attempt to force him to work when it was becoming too much, it was interesting and was a good laugh sometimes, shun since school had been lazy with his work, preferring women and sake.

'doing your work might get you out of trouble with Yama-jii for once..' by now I had come down quite a bit from my anger and I could think again.

He gave a cheeky smile 'now you know that doesn't bother me'

'It is tiring to hear though' I finished my glass of sake with a sigh 'I'll be back' he nods and I stand and go get changed, having a shower, upon freshening up I feel much better.

I take the time to find out what time it is, im surprised to find its coming on to be five pm, it's turning into evening already, the day had flown past quickly, my running emotions of the day had made me tired, but now I was calm, that was the important thing.

I took my seat beside shun again 'sorry..' I felt guilty for being mad at him.

He smiled 'it's fine, I survived'

I looked at him 'you sure?'

He looked back with a cheeky grin 'he, I'm fine, I'm glad your not gonna murder me'

I let a small smile slip 'yeah... I don't want to murder you now.. That's a plus..'

'a very big plus I'll say, now stop pouting and drink up' he handed me my glass and filled it again with sake.

I looked at it then him 'I have work to do.. I can't really...'

Shunsui sighed and cut me off 'can't you forget work for just one night juu, it's stressing you out..'

'with the situation I'm in right now.. Not really.. I have a lot to make up...' I put the glass down beside me.

'you don't have to make up for anything, now drink' shunsui pours himself a new glass and drinks.

As much as I don't want to admit it, it is sounding like a good idea to get drunk tonight, it would probably only take another glass or two... I could finish in the morning.. I look at the glass and sigh 'fine, I'll have a glass or two' I take another drink.

Shunsui smiles big 'yay, It's been ages since you got drunk with me' he was excited, like a kid.

I chuckled 'yes.. About a month or so right?'

'More like two' he gave me a grin.

'you count? Really? Surely you have better things to think about' I gave a cheeky smile back.

'nah, not really' we talked and drank for another few hours, by the end of the night, we were both drunk and waking up in the morning we didn't remember much of what had happened the previous night, shunsui had crashed on the couch for the night.

I woke up before shunsui, and by the time he was up, I had drank some tea and finished my paperwork, despite the hangover, shunsui called me crazy until he realised that we were going to be late. It was then he dragged me up to Yama-jiis office.

'jushiro, it's good to see you up and around again' yama-jii was like a father I was the good kid and shunsui was the trouble maker, I hadn't seen him since I had confronted the espada in the fake karakura town.

I bowed my head and smiled 'yes, its good to be back Yama-jii' I had heard rumors of him losing his arm but when I saw it, it was weird.

'i trust you have remembered again?' it was rare but Yama-jii did have a... A happy..ish expression, he was showing it now.

'yes, it's taken a while but yes, I think so' that was when captain kuchiki and captain zaraki walked in, I also hadnt seen them since the confrontation, last I saw them they had gone to hueco mundo.

'captain ukitake, it's good to see you' byakuya nodded in greeting.

'your done your sleeping then ukitake?' zaraki surprised me with a greeting.

I smiled 'equally a pleasure captain kuchiki, and yes captain zaraki, for now' it was a short but pleasant greeting, since shunsui had dragged me here I left to sit outside to wait for shunsui, that was when my third seats found me and sat with me, I sort of heard the conversation in the room behind me.

'what happened to your haoris'

'ruined..lost..'

'your supposed to be responsible.. What do you think the haori is!'

'cheap... Stylish... Annoying'

'IT'S UNACCEPTABLE!'

I felt at peace, it was becoming normal again, at peace, I smiled, despite my hangover which so far I had managed to hide, I was looking forward to the future.

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ok, remember the prologue at the start, now you can find out what happened there after jushiro blacked out :) look up the stories:

"the end of a freidship?" for shunsui's side

"the end of a noble life?" for isanes side


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